im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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