That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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