12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
