and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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