so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
