I want to have your abortion
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
