areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
