roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
