I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize