Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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