all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
