good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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