I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
