i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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