he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
