its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
