You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize