Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
