Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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