I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
