Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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