Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
