You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize