And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He passed out mid-signature
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize