My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The convent might be a nice break from real life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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