I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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