let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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