At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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