I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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