i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
