Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
