If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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