She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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