I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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