Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
