I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
