we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm passing your future prison.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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