Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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