Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I supernannyed him into submission
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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