I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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