I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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