i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
