I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
