he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i now understand why vodka
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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