Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
