i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
