After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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