suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
