Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
