Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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