we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
