We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
