So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
