I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
