i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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