you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
