You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
