I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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