I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
