So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
