If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
