I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
