My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
