i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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