It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize