is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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