i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
