So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
