Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
