This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
