I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Buhtt sex?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize