you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bring me that man meat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
