Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
