so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize