Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
