I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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