You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
