he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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