it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
