if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
