Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Randomize
