just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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