Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
