she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
