she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
