YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
