I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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