i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
