Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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