had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
