Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
