Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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