so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
