So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
