I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
