i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
