He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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