so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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