I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
