Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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