I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
