Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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