Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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