I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
