I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
